People with high incomes and high degrees of education claim that income and education matter to them more, and they display an especially large messaging preference for potential mates with high incomes and educations. This got me wondering, how self-aware are people in general? Does what they claim they care about align with their messaging behavior? It often does. Before feeding their choices into its algorithm, eHarmony asks users to rate how strongly they feel about nine traits - among them age, ethnicity and religion - and women express stronger preferences for every one. He also noted that there were differences in what traits matter to gay people, something the online dating site OkCupid has also found: Gay men and women differ from straight people in their racial preferences, for example.ĮHarmony’s data set does show us that in addition to preferring similarity across traits, women seem to know that their preferences are stronger. But Beber has studied data from the company’s same-sex dating site, Compatible Partners, and said similarity predicts long-term relationship satisfaction in gay couples, just as it does in straight couples. The eHarmony data I used is incomplete: It includes no gay couples, because eHarmony does not make same-sex matches on its main site. Since eHarmony publicizes this fact, the site may well attract online daters who are sympathetic to its philosophy. Jonny Beber, an eHarmony scientist, explained to me that the algorithm tries to optimize immediate attraction and long-term compatibility, and that because the company believes that “opposites attract … and then attack,” this usually means pairing similar people. For another thing, the matches people message depend on the options eHarmony’s algorithm gives them, and that sample is skewed toward similar people. Messaging may not be an honest reflection of attraction if the people doing the messaging fear rejection (although economists have found that such “strategic behavior” is minimal in online dating). Women prefer similarity in subtler ways as well: A woman shows a small but highly statistically significant preference for a man who uses similar adjectives to describe himself, with “physically fit,” “intelligent,” “creative” and “funny” having the strongest effects.
3 They cared less about whether their match shared their ethnicity. They still preferred mates who were similar in terms of height or attractiveness 2, but they cared less about these traits - and they didn’t care much at all about other things women cared about, like similarity in education level or number of photos taken. For 80 percent of traits, they were more willing to message those different from them. In fact, of the 102 traits in the data set, there was not one for which women were more likely to contact men with opposite traits. Even when eHarmony includes a quirky data point - like how many pictures are included in a user’s profile - women are more likely to message men similar to themselves. Women on eHarmony favor men who are similar not just in obvious ways - age, attractiveness, education, income - but also in less apparent ones, such as creativity. Put some makeup on and choose your outfit wisely before you meet each other.The data reveals a clear pattern: People are interested in people like themselves. Let your man know you are trying hard enough to look your best for him. Show him that you’re proud of him and you will get a surprising reaction!ĥ. Feeling supported is one of the comforting things men secretly want. Even the strongest man needs to be sure someone will be there for him if he fails mightily. Do not forget that compliments should be sincere: show him your appreciation with nice words.Ĥ. Yes, not only girls deserve to hear pleasant things, there’s a different side.
Stop all this madness and let him prove he’s a man in the house. You are a strong independent woman and can deal with stuff: 4 bags with groceries from your car to home without a comeback a quick electric kettle repair a laptop survival procedure and more and more. If you want to show your boyfriend you respect him, take action and prove that his thoughts, decisions and feelings matter.Ģ. This is the number one thing all guys secretly need from relationship, but not all girls really understand the meaning of it.